Onward to D2 / Owning My Okayness

The WFTDA post-season is about to kick off this weekend in Pittsburgh with the Division 2 playoff/championship tournament. For the first time ever, Boston will be going to D2 instead of D1, and the feelings I’m feeling are the following:

  • A. Excitement
  • B. Disappointment
  • C. General ambivalence between A and B

I know, I’m being kind of a baby about the whole thing.

For starters, there’s no shame in being in D2. We all know that D2 playoffs showcase some of the best up-and-coming teams playing nail-biter games down to the last jam. Moreover, there are some great skaters in D2 that could absolutely hold their own against the best of the best.

But maybe that’s why I’m more nervous going into this tournament. We may have a much bigger shot at winning a few games and moving up, so in a way, there’s more pressure. The tournament is happening in three days, so I’ve been trying to put all that petty rankings stuff out of my head and focus on the task at hand.

That having been said, it was hard to see those rankings released after our rough weekend in San Francisco. It didn’t feel like those matchups necessarily represented what we were capable of (The Apex agrees). But a quick cure to that disappointment is watching footage of the teams we will be facing in Pittsburgh.

This is when I get excited. I’ve never had the opportunity to play most of these teams and after studying them, they are certainly not to be underestimated.

Lesson: Don’t be an elitist baby about rankings. Derby has a way of weeding those types out.

*****

I’m Okay and That’s Okay

The thing of it is, I transferred to Boston because they were (and remain) the highest ranked team in the region. Despite coming from a then-D1 team, it took me nearly two challenging years to even make alternate for the Boston Massacre. Now that I’m finally a primary jammer, we’ve slipped in rankings and are even slightly lower ranked than my previous team had been.

It is what it is. No team is immune to this. It’s certainly not going to stop us from getting back to where we were.

Sometimes Your Best Isn’t Enough (personally speaking)

Even now I get pushed off the roster sometimes. It’s part of being a jammer, competing for a limited number of roster spots. I still see myself getting surpassed by jammers who have not been playing nearly as long as I have. That’s not something that ever happened at the smaller, less competitive leagues I’ve been on.

Playing for such a challenging team has made me face the fact that hard work does not equal talent. To truly stand out or excel at anything, it takes some kind of combination of those two factors. But I’ve learned to accept that no matter how hard I work, I will never be as good as those with that natural edge.

It’s not that I think I suck. I’m just not where I thought I would be at this point, despite working my ass off.

We’re going into this tournament with a deep jammer rotation, and I’ve already been benched for the first game. So it goes.

Basically, the most you can do in roller derby, and probably life in general, is to try to be better than you were yesterday. I won’t be a star jammer on a team like this, for a city like this, but I know I’m far better than the jammer I was before I transferred.

And I’m proud of my jammer teammates. I love seeing them do amazing things at practice. I love having such a high bar. When one of us succeeds, we all do.

Anyway, see you in Pittsburgh. I may not be playing in every game, but I’ll be there.

*****

If you’d like to tune in to the games, they will be livestreamed via WFTDA.tv beginning on Friday.

 

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2 Comments
  • Nate says:

    There’s a lot to be said for being the big fish in a little pond. The people around you all look up to you. You get the accolades and the MVP awards and all the rest of the ego stroking. It takes a real desire to be the best you can, and an admirable self-awareness, to decide that what you really want is to be the best at something that you can be, even if it means being a mid-sized fish in a… I mean, Boston is clearly not an Ocean. It’s probably not even a Great Lake, but it’s bigger than a pond.

    So I think what I’m saying is: kudos on choosing to be a trout in the Quabbin. #overlyspecificmetaphor

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